Capitalism 101
a silly examination using cows

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:   
 You have two cows.
 You sell one and buy a bull.
 Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
 You sell them and retire on the income.


 ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
 You have two cows.
 You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
 of  credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
 debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
 four cows back,  with a tax exemption for five cows.  The milk rights
 of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
 company secretly owned by  the majority shareholder who sells the
 rights to all seven cows back to your  listed company.  The annual
 report says the company owns eight cows, with an  option on one more.
 Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United  States, leaving you
 with nine cows.  No balance sheet provided with the release.  The
 public buys your bull.

 AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You sell one, and force the other to produce the
 milk of  four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
 
 
 A FRENCH CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You go on strike because you want three cows.
 
 A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
 of an  ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.  You then
 create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
 Worldwide.
 
 
 A GERMAN CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
 eat once  a month, and milk themselves.
 
 
 A BRITISH CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 Both are mad.
 
 
 AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows...
 but you don't know where they are.  You break for lunch.
 
 
 A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
 You count them and learn you have five cows.  You
 count them again and learn you have 42 cows.  You count them again and
 learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another
 bottle of vodka.
 
 
 A SWISS CORPORATION:
 You have 5000 cows,
  none of which belong to you.  You charge others
 for storing them.
 
 
 A CHINESE CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You have 300 people milking them.  You claim full
 employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
 reported the numbers.